I confess that I never thought Jesus would treat this woman or anyone this way. It didn’t seem to be a part of His typical nature, as evidenced by how He treated so many others who came before Him with far less humility than this woman. Of course, she was a Canaanite woman, which, if she approached a typical Jew, would throw him into a frenzy. But, having come to bring salvation to every race and gender, Jesus was no typical Jew, even desiring to meet the very type of need this woman so desperately brought before Him. That’s what makes His response, or lack thereof, so surprising.

Please tell me I am reading Matthew 15:23 incorrectly and Jesus didn’t really do what it says He did. This woman is in desperation and real anguish because her daughter is extremely sick. Somehow, she decides that He is her final option, and she overcomes incredible cultural barriers and personal misgivings to approach Jesus. She somehow knows the proper approach to Him, and she does so with touching respect. This Canaanite woman calls out, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David. Isn’t this the kind of situation that Jesus longs to intervene in? He had done so before and He would do so again. Certainly He grants what she requests, right? Amazingly, no, He doesn’t. In fact, Jesus completely ignores her and refuses her the courtesy of a single word. What would you have done if you had gone that far out of your comfort zone to appeal to Him and He refused to even acknowledge your presence?

She was not deterred, though, and continued to cry out for Him. Surely her persistence finally gained her a hearing. Wrong again. Evidently, she turned to the disciples as a way of gaining His attention, but they took their cue from Jesus and ended up complaining to Him about her crying out. “Jesus, please get rid of her. She is really getting on our nerves!” Hold on! I thought helping people was what Jesus and the disciples did for a living. Why is this woman being treated as a nuisance instead of being helped?

Her third plea ended up being no charm in this story because Jesus’ response to it is blatantly racial, which would have Jesus blasted all over CNN today. “I am only here to help my own race, not yours.” That’s what His response amounted to. How much more can this woman take? This is getting worse, not better.

Once again, this mother is undeterred and only increases her pleading. She comes up to Him and literally worships Him (which means she bowed herself before Him, not that she sang some emotionally moving song). She entreats Him, in what must have sounded like one pleading for a last-second pardon, Lord, help me.

How do you beg the Son of God any more humbly than that? At this point, there is no question that He will choose to pity her and meet her need. Yet, that isn’t what happens. In fact, it gets much worse. After His ignoring her, the disciples complaining about her, and His throwing a racial dig her way, He really does it and completely insults her. It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs. How can this be happening? This woman surely is going to lose complete respect for Him and conclude that He is a fake and a phony. Yet, somehow she hangs in there and issues a response that finally turns the story around. She humbles herself as a “dog” and even admits that His insult was true. Not until then do we hear a response fitting for the Jesus we know Him to be. He commends her faith and heals her daughter the same hour.

What would you have done in her situation? Would you have stayed with it as long as she did? Would you have been offended and told Him to forget it? Which time? After being ignored in the beginning? Maybe after being complained about for simply trying to get your daughter’s need some attention? Would you have given up after a racial slur? Or, would you actually make it to the canine insult? How did this woman hang in there until the end?

That leads to a very important question. Could this mother afford to get offended? What would she gain by being offended at Him? On the other hand, what would she lose by being offended at Him? What she might gain would be the satisfaction of giving Him a piece of her mind. A Canaanite woman telling a Jew off might feel pretty good. Yet, she still has to contend with what she has to lose. She stands to lose her daughter. When you apply the Gain/Loss Principle (September 2012 issue), you discover that she loses much more than she gains. She cannot afford to get offended because of what the price of offense would be—her daughter would die in her same deplorable condition. It doesn’t matter what He said or how He seemed to treat her. He could do something for her that no one else could do and getting offended would only seal her daughter’s fate.

Every Christian will ultimately have to ponder this at a time of potential offense. Of major concern is when the offense is at God. You have needs that only He can take care of, just like the mother’s need for her daughter to be healed. For example, you cannot accomplish salvation by yourself. Godly kids are not entirely up to you, as you need Him to do those things in their hearts that you cannot do. Fruitful ministries don’t last without God’s intervention. There are also health issues that you have no control over that only He can correct.

But, there are also times He doesn’t quite respond the way you want or expect Him to and you can get offended when that happens. That offense can end up costing a lot. Many people have become offended at God and, while they felt better about screaming their offense at Him, they also left without what they needed. Parents who desire godly children cannot afford to get offended at Him because He didn’t make the children quite the way the parents wanted or because God didn’t answer a prayer for them in a particular way.

Sometimes, God simply doesn’t answer the way that you want Him to. It may seem as if He is completely ignoring you. Maybe you even feel insulted. Yet, nothing changes the fact that you need Him more than you need anything else and you cannot afford to turn from Him for any reason.

This can also apply to others whom God has placed in your life, even as imperfect as they are. Church members with imperfect pastors may get offended at them over something either imagined or real. Yet, the cost of that offense might be higher than they realize if their children pick up on it. Young people who get offended at their parents generally find that the loss ultimately outweighs the gain. They need their parents more than they realize and offense becomes costly.

The question is not “Do I have a right to be offended?” because you might. The ultimate question becomes “Can I afford to be offended?” because you might not want to pay the price it demands in the end.