In 2013, I wrote an article about my dogs entitled “It’s Not About the No.” It describes such a vital mindset for independent Baptist churches and families that I’ve chosen to expand it into a full feature. I refer to the topic as the greater yes because it challenges us to wrap a very passionate yes around every adamant no. You may be wondering how this has anything to do with my dogs.

A basset hound faces a no.

The Hardys are a dog-loving family, partly because we live on 10 acres east of Stillwater. Dogs are helpful for guarding our property, whether from mischievous humans or pesky animals. We had a one-two punch from Rascal, a black pit bull, and Pal, a white lab. It was a terrible day when Pal got run over, so I let my son Daniel pick a droopy-eared basset to replace Pal. He named him Floyd. I was determined to protect Floyd from Pal’s demise, so I installed an electric fence in the ground and a shock collar on Floyd to keep him from straying out of the yard. Rascal was still allowed to roam freely, while Floyd could only walk up to the invisible boundary and peer into the regions beyond. The fence was the no, but it only existed because of a greater yes, which was the fact that Floyd enjoyed the pampered life of a dog instead of being flattened on the road. 

And it worked. I didn’t like the no part of it because of those sad basset eyes that would look at me like I had locked him in prison. As much as I hated the no, though, I loved the yes even more when I saw him sleeping soundly in the warm afternoon sun on our front wraparound porch between our two Cracker Barrel rocking chairs. The yes was worth every no when Daniel would sit on the step and Floyd would snuggle his long cold nose into Daniel’s lap and soak in that unique boy-and-his-dog friendship, which I think is priceless. His enjoyable daily experience of being loved was the yes, so the fence was the no.

This is the greater yes.

The greater yes mindset is one I have come to exceedingly value as a parent, pastor, and friend. The greater yes demands that every no begin with a yes. They must always come in pairs, and the yes must always be valued more than the no. This is how God operates. We all see the no in the Garden of Eden. Do not eat of the one tree. However, we are also given the yes, consisting of living forever and enjoying personal fellowship with God. The yes was so important to God that He declared a no. Satan got to Eve, in part, by recasting God’s no as unreasonable and totally avoiding God’s yes. Adam and Eve broke God’s no and lost God’s yes. God used this same pattern in dealing with the nation of Israel. He was constantly telling them what He could and would do for them, as His yes. He wanted the yes for them so much that He gave them noes to ensure they got the yes. Sadly, they broke the noes and lost the yes.

A permissive culture creates more need for noes.

Our culture is on an accelerated slide of permissiveness. Any Christian family or church that desires to stay faithful to God and His Word finds themselves facing more noes than ever. Technology alone has brought many families to new noes when it comes to social media or digital devices. The movie theater used to be the battleground, but that has now exploded into the living room. Entertainment choices necessitate more noes than they did a generation ago. Any family or church desiring to resist the effects of a worldly culture can start to look like they are defined by what they don’t do.

As noes increase, so must the greater yes.

We can increasingly be identified as “anti-you-name-it.” No Christian worth his salt will eliminate noes simply to avoid a negative stigma. In a culture as wicked as our own, submitting to a holy God will come with an inevitable stigma. What some excuse as relevance is nothing more than sophisticated compromise. I propose a better solution: instead of eliminating the noes, why not spend more time and effort promoting the yes? That is a superior alternative to erasing the noes. We won’t even have to try to hide the noes if we are emphasizing the yes. It is about demonstrating that our passion for the yes unavoidably, if not reluctantly, dictates some noes.

Here are five key mindsets that make the greater yes work. The rest of the special section will make application by fleshing them out in daily life.

God’s no always begins with yes.

1. Always assume that God starts with a yes.
   Always look for it. Anytime you see a no, look for the yes. It is usually either explicitly stated, or it will be in the overall context of that passage. Take time to stop and to meditate on why God gave the no and don’t stop until the yes percolates to the top. Genesis 2 and 3: No—Do not eat of the specified tree in the Garden of Eden. Yes—God wanted His people to enjoy eternal life, enjoyable work, fellowship with Him, and even childbearing without pain. Exodus 20:2, 3: No—Have no other gods before Me. Yes—I am the God who loves you enough to deliver you. I John 2:15–17: No—Love not the world. Yes—The world passes away, but My will abides forever. James 4:10: No—Humble yourself when you want to lift yourself up. Yes—God desires to lift you up Himself, which is far better than anything you can accomplish.
2. You cannot have God’s yes without God’s no.
   We do a disservice to those needing what God offers when we promote a yes without the no. A tendency exists to draw people (members and children) by tricking them with the positive. Just as God’s no always begins with a yes, we lose credibility when we promote God’s yes as if there aren’t any noes. You cannot say yes to salvation without saying no to your own good works. You cannot have proper fellowship with God without saying no to competing idols. You cannot expect the yes of godly children without saying no to worldly influences.
3. The yes explains the differences in no among Christians.
   A difference in the noes between families exists because there is a difference in the yes. A passion for raising children to be disciples is a different yes than raising basically good, religious kids who go to church most of the time. The difference in the yes will be clearly seen in the no. There will be some differences in standards, which typically express the no. It is always disappointing to see people with looser standards criticize those with tighter standards. Their standards are tighter because their goal is often higher. Church members sometimes demand book, chapter, and verse for a standard, when there is none. Some of it comes down to simple common sense (usually with at least an underlying biblical principle) and simply illustrates the yes for which some church members have a greater passion. A greater yes typically demands a greater no. 
4. We are more inclined to keep the no once we understand the yes.
   Pastors and parents need to give serious attention to this mindset. There is a time in early maturity when the no is enough. Eventually, though, the yes must be explained. Many children would be more inclined to keep the no if they truly understood the yes. Some children remain unconvinced because their parents enforced a no without being able to explain the yes. Simple-minded parents will respond by simply eliminating the no instead of passionately explaining the yes. When parents get tired, they find it easier to drop the no when a more convincing understanding and explanation of the yes would produce a deeper result in their child. Many pastors don’t get church members to buy into this concept because the pastor doesn’t spend enough time on the yes. I’ve determined that if I cannot articulate the yes, I have little justification for expecting submission to the no. It is true that there are members who are against some noes, regardless of how well they’re articulated, but they typically end up with a scornful attitude toward standards that God Himself dictates. A church’s maturity is often revealed by how willing the members are to follow a no that is backed up by a clearly articulated yes.
5. Live a joyful yes life instead of a reluctant no life.
   Something is extremely refreshing about observing homes with noes that are still happy and joyful homes. I am inspired by them, and I had to constantly work toward that goal in our home. A youth’s attitude toward a family’s or church’s noes usually reflects the parents’ attitudes. Churches are no different in that the joyful environment of a church is not determined by the number of noes but by their passion for the yes.

I am aware that there is an increasing intolerance for many noes in our churches and families. This is unfortunate, since our culture is more hostile toward biblical Christianity than ever and demands greater protection than ever. Eliminating noes is not the only answer, nor is it the best answer. The superior alternative is to be clearer than ever about the greater yes.